


Lacrimosa

by Asterne_In_a_Sky, MidoriKurenaiYume



Category: Fate/Zero, Fate/stay night & Related Fandoms
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Betaed, F/M, Fake Marriage, Mariage blanc, Minor Character Death, Old-fashioned society, Society judgement, Unplanned Pregnancy, illegitimate child, public shaming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-01
Updated: 2016-12-01
Packaged: 2018-09-01 22:21:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8640388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Asterne_In_a_Sky/pseuds/Asterne_In_a_Sky, https://archiveofourown.org/users/MidoriKurenaiYume/pseuds/MidoriKurenaiYume
Summary: After fulfilling her father's last wish, Arturia's only desire was to lead a quiet life in taking care of her cousin. But nothing went as she expected or hoped, yet not necessarily always in a bad way.All Gilgamesh wanted was to do his duties in that small town without too much trouble, especially since most people were inexpressibly boring. But he had not counted on someone standing out among them and changing everything.





	

**Author's Note:**

> The beginning of this story is very, very loosely based on "The Scarlet Letter", even though it diverges majorly from it as it goes on.  
> Title: from an absolutely beautiful Kalafina song :) their 4th single and also part of the album 'Red Moon' :)
> 
> Heartfelt thanks to Yogarasu for her beta work ;)

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…

…

…

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_Prologue_

…

…

Her father wanted to protect her, wanted her to be safe. And by society’s rules, she was safe as a married woman. Uther however knew how independent she was, and didn’t want her to suffer by being forced to have a husband she didn’t love.

And that what why it was a ' _mariage blanc_ '.

…

Stony faced, Arturia only gave a short nod. She would agree to that – but only because it was nothing more than a formal arrangement.

After exiting the living room and going back to her bedroom, she leaned against the door she had closed behind her, letting out the breath she had been holding. Her cousin Maiya, recently widowed when her carpenter husband had had a wall fall on him, was asleep, her sickness allowing her at least the comfort of peaceful rest during the night. She and Arturia weren’t close, but they respected each other and didn’t have any trouble in living in the same house.

Arturia had now the time to consider what had been decided on that very day.

Her father, who had been sick for some time, had been told that he had only a few days left to live; before dying, he had expressed the wish that his only daughter get married. No matter how much she loved her father, Arturia would have refused – if she hadn’t known that he had that wish only because he was sincerely worried for her future.

In their society, marriage meant safety. As strange as that idea was, it was commonly accepted. And her father wanted her to be safe.

He had gone further than that, and even chosen her a husband. Shinji Matou wasn’t nice or clever; he wasn’t handsome and he wasn’t rich, either. He also wasn’t interested in Arturia, as he was obsessed with another girl who lived far away. And that was precisely why her father had chosen him. Uther Pendragon knew that all Arturia needed was to be married on paper, and be known as a married woman; the rest, he knew she wouldn’t want it. She was too headstrong and independent to go by the rules society gave about marriages. Uther knew that Shinji owed him and would not refuse to do what he asked; he also knew that, by adding the clause in their private contract that the marriage remained a blanc one, his precious Arturia would be safe from her husband, should he get any evil ideas.

Therefore, Arturia Pendragon and Shinji Matou were married, just a few hours before Uther died.

A couple of days after the funeral, the two of them had a talk. Shinji boasted about his ability of making women fall in love with him and told her about his sweetheart in the West, letting her know that he would go to her and did not intend to come back. Arturia wasn’t particularly interested in it, and simply nodded, merely reminding him that the marriage contract, while only a formality, was a legally binding one and therefore he should be careful.

She did not have the slightest interest in knowing more about her husband; she knew enough to be disgusted. She knew he was a heavy drinker and a regular customer at brothels; at the same time, she also knew he feared her father, and herself as well. He was not from their town, and therefore his questionable reputation wasn’t known there; the only thing people knew was that he was a foreigner of average fortune and average looks, who married the Pendragon’s only daughter before going back to work in the West.

Arturia wanted to keep things that way, because it was for the best for everyone. She explained this to Shinji, and held back her irritation at his slow grasp of things before sending him on his way.

Nothing had changed, in truth. She was simply no longer ‘Miss Arturia’, she was ‘Mrs. Matou’ now. That was all… nothing else in her life had changed.

And that was the whole point of that foolish marriage. To keep things as they were – but give the sick widow Maiya and her fatherless cousin Arturia a protection in the eyes of society.

…

…

_Three months later_

…

…

At the physicist’s, Arturia patiently waited in line for her turn. She had barely enough money to pay for the medicine Maiya desperately needed, and she was quite on edge.

Some way or another, she had to find more work.

It was then that the jingles at the door snapped her out of her thoughts, signalling the arrival of another costumer. She heard the mayor’s voice, and her heart skipped a beat.

Oh no. If the mayor was there, it meant that…

“Good day, everyone!” mayor Iskandar boomed, and everyone in the shop greeted him back with expressions of awe.

Arturia pronounced her greeting with everyone else, her polite expression convincing enough, but she couldn’t help hoping her turn would come soon, so that she could leave.

The mayor, his companion and the physicist’s wife started a conversation, and Arturia could hardly control her impatience. She had nothing against mayor Iskandar, she knew he cared about the people in town and supported them constantly – it was the man who was with him she was wary of.

Said man was looking around, his appearance as handsome and regal as always – and his expression as arrogant and haughty as usual. Arturia was certain she heard an ecstatic sigh coming from the physicist’s wife, and from the woman in line before her as well.

Gilgamesh – the one who induced those sighs of adoration – was probably the richest man of the place, and he had the position of head curator in town. That meant that he was Iskandar’s right hand, and he was also sworn to celibacy.

He was, by the way, more arrogant than anyone else Arturia had ever met.

But he was handsome and he was the one who actually made sure the town prospered; while Iskandar was the official authority and the one people turned to for help, Gilgamesh was the one who knew how to actually manage tasks and who was truly in charge of everything.

Not that most people were aware of that, to be fair. So everyone – male and female – simply swooned over him.

Arturia found him instead to be quite unpleasant. A few Sundays before her father passed away, Iskandar had introduced him to her in Church, and she had exchanged the usual polite sentences with him. Gilgamesh had prolonged the conversation, and had been quite contemptuous when addressing some matters about the Church’s reconstruction and, since she was on edge because her father and Maiya’s conditions were worsening, as soon as she had seen that Iskandar was engaged in a conversation with someone else and could not eavesdrop on her more direct talk, she had stopped keeping up the façade of reserved civility.

She had stared straight into Gilgamesh’s eyes, instead of demurely looking down as was expected of her, and replied calmly to his comments. She had explained to him that the reconstruction was taking time because it was harvest, and the men and the women had to work in the fields; also, the head architect had been brought to the grave because of an illness just a fortnight before, so of course every work on the Church was going to slow down.

She knew Gilgamesh had been taken aback, but she had excused herself before he could draw out the conversation any longer.

She had never had the occasion to talk to him again. But she had noticed that, anywhere where she happened to see him, he gave her more than just a passing glance. At the same time, while she took notice of that, she didn’t really give it any thought.

She was far too busy as it was: her lack of money was becoming a problem. With the last of what she had, she would be able to buy medicine for Maiya… and then? They didn’t have anything else…

Her attention was suddenly caught by what was transpiring in the conversation near her.

Iskandar had just asked the physicist’s wife about the preparations for the wedding that were going to take place, and she confirmed the upcoming nuptials of the pastor’s daughter. Gilgamesh then made a very strange comment, at least in Arturia’s opinion: he asked whether her dowry and her finery were ready for her to move to her husband’s place. Other people in line behind Arturia intervened, aside from the physicist’s wife herself, to comment on how the pastor’s daughter was in fact quite distressed because she didn’t have all her sheets embroidered nor her clothes completed.

Arturia’s heart leapt in her throat. What if…

It was finally her turn, and she hurried to ask the physicist for the medicine for Maiya. Quickly paying, thanking him and taking her leave from everyone, she went home, left the mixture on her cousin’s bedside table and then hurried back to town to the pastor’s house, her heart beating fast.

She was quite hopeful. Her skills with the needle were unparalleled, and the pastor knew it. She could make an offer – he could always turn her down, of course. But she _had_ to try. She needed money, and to make money she had to work.

As she passed next to the physicist’s on her way to the pastor’s house, she noticed that the mayor and Gilgamesh were still there. For a second, she thought she saw those blood red eyes of his follow her – _her_ , on the other side of the street! – but then she blinked, and she was certain she had only imagined it.

At the pastor’s, she was received with the usual politeness by his wife, whose eyes started to sparkle when Arturia firmly but gently offered her services. Not only did her daughter Sakura thank her with honest gratefulness, she was also delighted when Arturia offered to start immediately. The blonde woman listened to her directives, remaining there the rest of the day and working on the embroideries to make them exactly as Sakura wanted them to be.

A few hours later, Arturia could leave with some of the pieces left to complete, very relieved about the entire matter. The pastor’s daughter was a sensible and kind woman, and the whole family was happy with her work. They also paid very handsomely, and she hoped that, if they were satisfied with her job, she would be able to find more work through their good publicity.

That evening, while she continued to sew quietly as Maiya slept – her sick cousin had already taken her medicine – Arturia had to give the day some reflection.

Had it truly been a lucky coincidence, the fact that she had heard about Sakura needing help with the sewing?

Maybe – but maybe not. She recalled that she had in fact thought it strange of Gilgamesh to bring up the subject; but not only that, he had done it when she was present as well. And she couldn’t help remembering that, the first time they had met, he had given a formal compliment to the embroidered designs of her sleeves, and she had told him she had done them herself.

So, since he knew about her financial situation – he knew of _everyone’s_ financial situation in town – and was aware of the fact that she was capable with her needle, had he indirectly just… found her a job?

As strange as it sounded and as conceited as it could be for her to consider herself so important, she had the distinct sensation that that was exactly the case.

If she hadn’t been imagining things and if that was actually the truth… well, then. Maybe Gilgamesh had a few positive qualities in him, very well hidden under the limitless arrogance he showed in public.

But it was a _huge_ maybe.

…

…

Gilgamesh was amused by what he heard, as it was a rumour that was circulating fast. Everyone was admiring the pastor’s daughter’s gown for her wedding, and her sheets and tablecloths and all the finery. And young Sakura didn’t waste any time in informing them that it was all Mrs. Matou’s excellent work.

People were talking – saying that her fingers were talented, her skills with a needle better than those of a warrior with a sword.

Gilgamesh was satisfied. He had indeed made a comment, on that day a few weeks before, only because he knew that _she_ was listening.

He frowned inwardly. He had first noticed her in Church, as a very pretty figure who stood out among the other women. She was a few years younger than him, and from what he knew – his position allowed him to know many things – she was married, as was suitable for a woman of her age and social position. Her husband was away, in the West, and that was expected, too. She was obviously prideful though, and that showed in the way she always stood tall and composed.

Finding himself close to her sometimes, he had listened to some of her conversations with others, since there was little else for him to do. He had heard, to his surprise, the hints of the fact that she was more knowledgeable than what it seemed. She talked in articulated, literate sentences and she was able to give good advice to all kinds of people, adapting to their line of thoughts as she spoke with them, no matter what their social standing was.

He couldn’t deny that he found it interesting.

Therefore, he had then flippantly talked Iskandar into introducing them – and that had led to an unusual deepening of his interest in her and her activities, ultimately bringing to his comment at the physicist’s.

…

…

_A few weeks later_

…

…

He was very much surprised when she managed to see him alone and politely thanked him. He had not expected her to notice and understand that he had made that comment on purpose.

She also told him, however, to not play with his charity towards her. She didn’t want nor need his pity, as she stated firmly – and he was too taken aback to reply.

What a _truly_ prideful woman.

He started to pay more attention to her. She stood out – he saw it more and more clearly.

She was not ordinary.

He was careful to not let it show though, to not make it noticeable, because rumours were never a positive thing, especially in a small town like the one they lived in.

…

…

Mrs. Matou – Arturia – lived a little out of town, in a small two-storey house surrounded by forests and fields. Once, when they were out riding, Iskandar took the time to indicate to Gilgamesh all the inhabitants of the houses in town, and the blond man had unconsciously remained quite fixated on her place.

Each time he was out riding, Gilgamesh looked at the slightly isolated house, with his thoughts going to her.

What a strangely peculiar woman, who had little money but didn’t seem to care about it. And she was always so busy, always working, taking care of a sick cousin; she was also well-liked in town, because she was polite and respectful.

He wanted to talk more to her, and he would.

Not in public, of course. He would not address her in public too much. But he _would_ talk more to her, he decided.

…

He did not know that she started to notice his eyes on her after a while.

But she did, and she wondered what he wanted with his constant staring. She felt his gaze on her more often than not, but she had found an explanation for it – an explanation that, unfortunately for her, didn’t quite correspond to the truth.

She thought he looked down on her because of her poverty, and while she had appreciated him indirectly helping her get more work, she would not tolerate his pity, and she had let him know by telling him that to his face.

…

…

He met her when he was out riding, accompanied by his faithful dog Enkidu, as he saw her taking the water from the well.

He stopped and greeted her. She was quick in her returned greeting, obviously a lot on her mind. He saw her go back to the well several times that day, each time with a heavy bucket of water in her arms, which she however seemed to carry almost effortlessly. He understood later that it was for her own and her cousin’s bath, and she apparently went to the well almost every day in order to bring home water for those occurrences.

He did not know what made him take the following decision.

He put in a few carefully selected words with the mayor – and made sure another well was built, much closer to the outskirt houses.

Especially to _her_ house.

…

…

Once again, he stopped during his riding to greet her. But this time, he dismounted, Enkidu at his side.

He saw her sewing outside her house, and since he was passing nearby, he talked to her. Briefly.

But that was only the first time. There were many more such instances, and every time, he remained talking with her a little longer.

He was more and more fascinated. Because of what she said, how she said it, and how her words reflected her firm and unwavering personality.

She was in a hard situation in her life, having very few means to sustain herself and her relative, but she did not waver underneath her responsibilities.

He knew that, and he liked it.

Arturia was instead surprised to find out he wasn’t the arrogant person she thought he was – or rather, not completely. She couldn’t approve of him… well, not fully.

However, she couldn’t deny that his behaviour towards her never lacked propriety, not even once, and he didn’t seem to look down on her, as she had previously thought.

She was also very much surprised when their conversations became longer every time they met – as if they had many, many things to tell each other.

As if their talks, about everything and nothing, could be endless.

…

…

They had almost teasing conversations. She was sometimes tempted to smile when seeing him. He was intrigued by her polite but blunt comments, and she was coming to appreciate his astuteness.

Enkidu had taken an unexpected liking to her; he wasn’t a sociable dog, yet he had no problems in letting Arturia pet him.

Her life wasn’t particularly exciting. Aside from finding great pleasure in creating intricate designs on her embroideries, and being happy each time Maiya seemed to improve in her health, it was only a conversation with Gilgamesh that could make her feel like her everyday life wasn’t completely dull.

He didn’t seem to mind it when she was very outspoken; in fact, she suspected that sometimes he pushed her to get her to speak her mind without inhibitions. She found herself opening up to him more than she ever thought possible. And her daily dull life became more bearable when she had to face the challenge of a conversation with him.

They talked with more and more ease.

Of course, that didn’t mean they were close, by any means. They – or she – were still as detached as possible.

…

…

And then… there was an instance… in which he leaned towards her as they were talking outside the house, and almost touched her cheek.

But it had been only an instant. And she was left wondering if she had only imagined it.

Luckily Maiya had been asleep and had not seen anything from the window where she usually sat next to.

…

…

Maiya’s sleep was not normal. It was a strong, unrelenting fever.

Before Arturia could properly understand and sort out what was really going on between her and Gilgamesh, her cousin Maiya died. Suddenly and unexpectedly.

Arturia had not thought it would happen, or at least not like that.

Yet from one day to the other, she found herself alone.

…

…

She knew her husband was never going to come back; she knew that he had married another woman in the West.

She couldn’t let anyone know of his bigamy though. For one, she had no proof, and she was a woman; in that misogynist society, she wasn’t going to be taken seriously nor was her word going to be listened to.

With Maiya gone, all she had left was her work and the unambitious hopes of leading a quiet life. Maiya had not been truly well nor happy ever since her husband had passed away; Arturia knew that her cousin had long wished for death.

With the increased demand of her embroideries, she had been able to make quite some money, and she had been able to save it. Now that she was alone, although she couldn’t deny she missed her cousin, she was going to be able to save more.

Maybe, in a few years, she could make enough money to move to a larger city, to have more possibilities of employment.

However, those ideas were quite vague. All she wanted, for the moment, was to continue her life serenely and _quietly_. The house felt at times cold and empty, even when she lit a warm fire in the living room as she sewed, and the sensation of loneliness was not always a welcome one.

While Arturia had never been a person who enjoyed being in large crowds, that entire stillness and isolation was a little too much even for her.

After remaining alone, she had chosen that solitude on her own. The people she cared about had proved that they were going to leave her – her father first, now Maiya, who knew who was next.

She couldn’t let anyone close to her. Being away from the townspeople would also help her focus more on her work and provide them with flawlessly perfect embroidery.

In town, she kept her interactions with people short and strictly not longer than what her work required. Sometimes she caught glimpses of Gilgamesh, and she made a point of avoiding him. To keep herself together in her decision of avoiding people, she didn’t have the time nor the patience to speak with him.

She did it consciously: she closed up towards others, and by the time she fully realized it, she was almost too used to being all alone.

It was therefore quite a surprise, and not a truly unwelcome one, when one day Gilgamesh called on her.

…

…

Gilgamesh hated the current situation.

He hardly ever saw her in public places anymore, even in Church, and when she was there, she was always on her own, very much quiet and detached from everyone even though she was always polite.

And she seemed to _want_ to be alone. Keeping her head high always, too. She didn’t give her friendship to anyone anymore – she was _always_ alone. The death of her cousin had made her close up.

And he didn’t like that. He was angry about that voluntary choice of hiding herself.

 _He did not like that_.

And he wouldn’t allow it.

He waited the amount of time that was considered proper for mourning, and then, on the first day he was supposed to go out riding, he showed up at her door.

…

…

To be fair, she wasn’t impolite to him. She was mostly surprised by his visit but, even though she did remain mannerly, and did pet Enkidu briefly, she was cold – and didn’t go beyond being civil to him.

He was very much annoyed by that. Where had gone all the ease in their conversations? The way she had been able to challenge him constantly, with every word that left her mouth and the expressions that flickered across her face? Who was that stone-faced, reserved _statue_ of a woman that had replaced her?

Where had the Arturia he knew and liked gone?

…since when did he _like_ her?

He pushed the thought aside and focused on her, narrowing his eyes every time she held back from giving a truthful reply to some of his remarks that were meant to get a reaction out of her.

She was refusing to be herself. Fine, then. He would make sure she remembered who she was.

It didn’t take long – but it didn’t make him obtain the results he wanted.

He pushed her buttons. He was blunt with her, and with his words forced her to accept that yes, she was alone now that her relative had died, but she couldn’t reject every person from her life, especially not the people in town who cared.

And he haughtily added that he was disappointed in not having any more conversations with her – he was around for a reason, after all.

For all reply, she curtly invited him to get out of her house. But he had the satisfaction of seeing her mask break, even if for just a second, and even if it was fury that replaced the polite façade.

Perhaps he had been too forward.

Perhaps not.

…

…

Whenever he had duties that made him go out riding, he called on her, not allowing anything to deter him from his purpose.

She was stubborn, but she had manners, and she was not about to prevent him from visiting. And he was not going to inflame her temper the way he had done the previous time. He wanted her to go back to talking to him as she always had.

He wanted her to be herself.

He did not like that subdued, silent and completely emotionless version of Arturia. It was true that she had never been the most expressive of people, but the very fact that she gave away very little with her features was what had made the studying of her expressions so fascinating.

He knew what interested her; he made sure to bring up those subjects when he went to visit her.

He was rewarded with her trying very hard to keep her face composed while instead her eyes were lighting up.

He made an effort, at least at the beginning, to hide how much he was pleased by that, because he didn’t want her to retreat back into her shell.

Admittedly, it was a little annoying to have to go through all that effort, and if she hadn’t been worth it, he would never have wasted so much time on her.

His patience had limits, though; therefore, he was very pleased to find out that, already on the third or fourth visit, she stopped being so coldly civil. She was almost back to her normal self – she was almost back to speaking to him normally.

At least, when she offered him tea as usual, he was certain he caught a hint of a smile on her face.

…

…

She wasn’t entirely sure why he kept coming to visit her. But she couldn’t pretend that she wasn’t enjoying his presence. At least it made for lively debates.

He didn’t seem to mean her any harm. And she was sure that, even if he _did_ mean some harm, it wasn’t anything she couldn’t deal with.

She would simply enjoy his presence there and his salacious comments that always prompted her to find adequate replies – for as long as it lasted.

…

…

The initial awkwardness was gone before they took even real notice of it.

…

…

He didn’t know what possessed him to be around a woman – a married woman – so much.

Visiting her. Talking to her. Discussing with her. _Thinking about her_.

There had to be an explanation, a logical reason for it.

Yet it seemed to escape him.

Whatever it was, it was not allowing him to rest well at night, while his thoughts were focused on _her_ far too often.

…

…

They met more.

…

…

She wasn’t sure when she had reached a point of such closeness with him that she told him things about herself. Random yet private things, important in her life, which were part of her and that she had never told anyone else.

They often stayed in surprisingly companionable silence – always at her house – while she sewed and he read through his reports or other files the mayor had given him.

It was on one of those occasions that she suddenly addressed him.

“It was an arranged marriage. The one with my husband, I mean.” The words slipped out before she could control them.

The rest of the afternoon, he remained silent as she told him everything. She explained what had happened with her father’s illness, what his last wish had been and how he had insisted that she get married yet had made sure it remained a 'blanc' marriage. She told him that Uther had wanted to protect her from society – but in her private life, too.

Gilgamesh didn’t say a word through all that. While she was talking, she continued with her sewing, and hours went by. Seeing that it was getting darker, he did not interrupt her, but stood up and lit a few more candles, placing them closer to them and to the fire, so that she could see better. And when it became colder, he made the effort of standing up once again to hand her her favourite shawl as well.

He did not comment on what she told him, on what she disclosed about her private life, on the secret of her marriage. But she knew he was going to respect her confidences, and he would not be spreading the truth around.

When she was finished in telling him everything, right before he was about to leave, she simply stood to add more wood to the fire, noticing with a sigh that her reserve of it was quickly reducing. She was going to have to go to the forest and get more – winter was coming.

…

…

The next day, on orders from the mayor’s, she and all her neighbours were delivered more than enough wood to last for the whole winter.

Arturia knew who was responsible for that, and the next time he came to visit her, thanked him, even if a little stiffly.

He dismissed her thanks and, seeming more stressed than usual, addressed instead a few matters about the town that the mayor had discussed with him.

In some way or another, they ended up talking about those specific town matters together, and she ended up exchanging more than just opinions with him. As he had seen her do with the townspeople, she was able to give him some interesting words of advice about the managing of the town as well.

Such conversations became increasingly frequent for them.

…

…

It wasn’t clear exactly when, or how, but his visits to her became filled with a strange, underlying, inexplicable tension.

…

…

Arturia was pretending to be calm as she was carefully sewing a new dress for herself, sharp needle in hand. It was an afternoon like any other, in which he was there to ‘visit’ her.

Gilgamesh mentioned something about his paperwork, reading aloud from it, about one issue or the other that he had to decide on; without lifting her head from her work, she offered him almost distractedly a sharp and wise piece of advice on the matter.

She heard the scraping of the chair as he sat up, but she still didn’t look up, at least not until he was in front of her and his stare on her was impossible to ignore.

When her eyes left her needlework, not even a sound of surprise had the time to escape her mouth before he swept her up in his arms and pressed his lips to her in a kiss.

Deep, passionate and full of longing.

Which soon led to other, much more intimate things.

Very, very distantly, somewhere in the back of her mind, Arturia reached the absent-minded conclusion that she wasn’t going to finish her new gown on that day.

…

…

It should have probably surprised her, or maybe it should have changed her. But it didn’t.

Somehow, it didn’t.

Their clothes were forgotten on the floor. Neither of them cared about those.

Lying in the bed with him like that, _feeling_ him like that, having him close to her, closer than anyone had ever been before, in the bed that had always been too large for herself alone… there was nothing she disliked in that.

That sort of intimacy was not something she had ever craved, and certainly not with _him_.

But that didn’t make those moments any less precious to her.

All of those touches, caresses, and kisses couldn’t help feeling like they were being burned into her body. She welcomed him to her – she called him to her – she _wanted_ him with her.

He wanted her as well. She knew he did. She had already known it for a while, but she had refused to see it.

He had not forced her, and she would have made him leave if he had tried such a thing. She would have probably also given him a good punch.

But no… while he obviously desired her, it was almost frightening to see how what he wanted wasn’t simply her body. Their time together under the sheets was certainly more than just pleasurable for both of them, but it wasn’t what kept them close – it wasn’t what _made_ them be close.

…

…

Gilgamesh’s visits didn’t stop after the first time they shared the bed. And not every time ended up with their clothes discarded. It was probably _that_ that made Arturia feel certain that she hadn’t given her trust to a man unworthy of it.

There were many matters in which she still didn’t know if she could truly put her total trust him, but in this matter at least, she felt certain.

He didn’t want her body – or rather, not _just_ her body. He came for _her_. For her company.

And she _let_ him come because of _him_ and his company, too. She couldn’t pretend she didn’t like anything they did in her bed, but that wasn’t the reason she allowed him to come to her house.

She enjoyed his company, not any less than he did hers.

Even though they hadn’t ceased their debates and sharp discussions at all.

And she had a feeling… they weren’t going to stop any time soon.

…

…

In the eyes of propriety, he was too close to her. It was not correct and it wouldn’t have been accepted, if it were known.

But she decided she did not care.

She _wanted_ him to be that close.

…

…

In the conversations with him, she could be herself, with no need of pretences. Rudeness would never come easily to her, but she didn’t have to be careful about society’s rules when talking with him.

And she could be herself even more when she was in his arms like that – she could be _herself_ , with no masks and no clothes to cover her or to protect her.

She didn’t need protection from _him_ , after all.

…

…

Only a few weeks after they started their… liaison of sorts – Arturia didn’t have a name for what they had, and she didn’t really want to find one – Gilgamesh had an uncharacteristic expression on his face when he knocked on her door.

She immediately knew something wasn’t right. She was also somehow quite certain that she wasn’t going to like whatever it was he had to tell her.

All she did, however, was raise an eyebrow and stare at him, for she knew he would understand her unspoken question. He returned her stare and started to explain.

She had been right – she did not like what he he had to tell her.

Gilgamesh was expected to go to the capital and stay there for two months, to look after the finances. The reason was that there was the ten-year renewal of the offices; since the state council appreciated his work and success in the town where he was now, his competence was requested at the capital.

That meant he was going to leave.

But not that he wouldn’t come back, as his eyes and later his lips eloquently reminded her.

She didn’t have anything to say, at least not right away. She was going to miss his presence in her life for those two months, although she was reluctant about saying it aloud. The man was already enough full of himself…

But she knew herself, and she knew that her eyes were incapable of hiding her true emotions. And she knew that if there was a person who had learned to read her perfectly, it was him.

She also knew that he had been staring at her with some barely hidden yet deep amount of apprehension, at least until she finally met his gaze again and allowed him to understand her strange expression.

 _She was going to miss him_.

What surprised her the most was the fact that he seemed genuinely upset by the idea of having to leave.

But she couldn’t enquire about it – his mouth captured hers right afterwards, and she found herself in his arms, responding to his hot and slightly frantic embrace with immediate promptness.

They were going to be apart for a long while, after all.

…

…

A few hours later, she was at the window, looking out at the rapidly darkening fields, following Gilgamesh’s figure as he rode away in the moonlight that was slowly starting to make the countryside look like it was covered by a silver layer.

She had taken up one of the sheets from the bed to cover herself when approaching the window, even though she knew there was no one around who could see her naked.

When he disappeared in the dark, she let the sheet fall on the floor, before slowly walking to the closet and taking out a nightgown and new bed linens. The current bed sheets weren’t dirty, but they still carried _his_ scent.

She wouldn’t have been able to sleep surrounded by his scent like that – she would be constantly reminded of the fact that he was going to be away for a long time.

Two months.

No matter how much she cared about him, she did not intend to allow herself to get sentimental about his absence.

…

…

*”*”*”*”*”*”*”*”*”*”*”*”*”*”*”*”*

…

_Months later_

…

*”*”*”*”*”*”*”*”*”*”*”*”*”*”*”*”*

…

…

Gilgamesh was very much incensed when he found out that the engagements in the capital made him stay away _four_ months instead of two – as if two wasn’t already bad enough.

In the end, his mood had become so atrocious that the president himself allowed him to leave one week in advance.

Back in town, however, he barely had the time to arrive at the mayor’s office that Iskandar was already dragging him inside by the arm and closing the door behind him. Gilgamesh wouldn’t have tolerated such a behaviour if he hadn’t been away for so long.

The mayor jovially inquired about the capital, laughing off Gilgamesh’s dry and less than pleased answers, before informing him of the latest news. None of them interested Gilgamesh in the least, not even the one Iskandar addressed with more seriousness, about a married woman found pregnant with someone else’s child. However, he knew he would have made Iskandar suspicious if he didn’t ask a few questions, so he distractedly asked how he knew that the woman’s child wasn’t legitimate.

Iskandar was strangely sombre for once, and told him in a quieter voice that the woman’s husband hadn’t been in town for years, and therefore it wasn’t absolutely possible for the child to be legitimate. After all, Shinji Matou worked in the West, and he hadn’t been seen around for a long time.

It took Gilgamesh his entire self-control, acquired through all the years in his position, to keep his expression as it was. But everything in his brain stopped, because he couldn’t have heard that right.

It couldn’t be… The woman pregnant out of wedlock… Shinji Matou’s wife…

It _could not be_ Arturia…

Iskandar pronouncing her name was what put an end to his mental denial. As the mayor went on by commenting on what a shame it was that a young woman like her had disgraced herself in such a way and was now rightfully receiving the townspeople’s scorn, Gilgamesh’s mind was still frozen in a dazed state.

He was perfectly aware of the fact that Arturia’s husband wouldn’t come back, because she had told him herself the reason why he wasn’t in town.

He also knew Arturia rather well by now, and there was only one man who had had access to her bed – and who was therefore responsible for what had happened.

He was forced however to push aside his incoherent thoughts for the moment, because Iskandar mentioned something he found important.

According to him, Arturia Matou was going to give birth in less than three months. She was further along with the pregnancy than Gilgamesh had expected.

Using the tiredness of the long trip from the capital as excuse, the blond man left the mayor. He had planned to go to Arturia’s place as soon as possible, but… after the news he had received… there was something stopping him.

Because of his carelessness, their meetings had gotten Arturia pregnant. Iskandar had implied that no one knew who the baby’s real father was, and that meant that she had not revealed anything about him.

It also meant, however, that everyone in town was going to be suspicious of everyone.

He could not risk worsening her reputation by being seen as he went to her place.

…

…

Even if he did not go to Arturia’s place, he wasn’t blind.

In town, he sometimes saw brief glimpses of her; in fact, he got glimpses more of the different shape of her body rather than of her.

He wasn’t deaf either, and he heard the comments the people made.

He had heard those kind of comments in the past, too, every time such scandals took place, but he had never thought that _Arturia_ would ever be the target of those embittered insults.

…

…

For the first time in his life, he did not know what the best decision to make was.

He had never had such problems in the past. He knew what to do, always.

He was… confused… no, that was too strong of a word.

But he was indeed feeling something very akin to it.

…

…

…

He should have gone to visit her sooner. He should have – but he didn’t.

Time went by much more quickly than he thought.

And there he was, with the pastor and the mayor, and Mrs. Matou lying in bed, looking quite exhausted. According to the physicist, it had been a difficult birth.

The day before, Arturia had given birth to a healthy baby daughter, blonde like her mother and with her same deep green eyes. Arturia had given her the name Leilani.

The three of them were there to ask Mrs. Matou to give up the name of her lover. They told her that she was going to be branded as an adulteress; to lessen her shame and attempt to at least regain a minimum of her reputation, she had to say the name of the person with whom she had broken the marriage vows.

But she refused, her expression unreadable as she did so.

She was not behaving like a stubborn child, as Iskandar accused her of being, and Gilgamesh knew it.

The blond man was forced to try to convince her, too, as it was his duty because of the position he had as head curator.

But she was not moved. She firmly stated she would not say anything, and even if at first she invited them to take some tea, she then politely asked them to leave since she had a newborn baby to take care of.

During that whole time, she did not met his eyes more than once, and specifically only the time in which he addressed her.

Her acting was superb. He was not suspected of being the father – not in the least.

Then why did that make his chest constrict in a vice grip around his heart and _hurt_ so much?

…

…

…

The townspeople did not like the fact that an adulteress showed her face in public.

It was a scandal; it was an impudence; it was not acceptable. Therefore, they avoided her as much as possible, for she was shamed and her presence was a shame to them.

But not everyone was like that. While some shopkeepers refused to even acknowledge her existence or even went as far as shutting the doors in her face, there were people who didn’t stop being Arturia’s friends.

She _had_ made many friends through the years, whether or not she was aware of it, and her kindness and ability with the needle weren’t forgotten. She did have much less customers asking for her prowess, but she wasn’t without them.

To her surprise, the pastor’s daughter was among those who made a point of remaining friends with her.

Madam Sakura had just gone through her second birth, and she seemed to be sympathetic towards Arturia, who was a single mother. She gave the blonde woman work: her second child had turned out to be twins, and a lot of fabric for their new garments was in need of being sewn. Arturia was the one who was paid to cut, sew and embroider those.

Madam Sakura wasn’t the only person who remained on good terms with her. The baker, Irisviel, was kind to everyone, and made no exception for her. The shoemaker, Diarmuid, was not judgemental, and kept addressing her politely when she went there.

Even though Arturia could no longer indulge in normal conversation with the townspeople, gradually the suspicion and the dislike towards her began to lessen.

It happened very slowly, and it took several months.

She held her head high through all those hardships; that was something that impressed some townspeople, and made others admire her, even if only in secret.

Of all that, Gilgamesh was not unaware.

The day after Arturia’s child had been born, he had realized that she had completely cut him out of her life.

And while he knew, since he knew himself, that he didn’t like that development, he liked even less the fact that he was fully aware that it had been his own doing.

He had not gone to see her once he had come back from the capital. He had heard that she was pregnant, and he had not gone to her.

He had behaved as if the months they had spent together, the conversations in the streets, the afternoons in her house, the kisses in her bed… as if they had never happened, as if they had just been dreams.

As if they had meant nothing.

He had turned his back on her when she had needed him the most, and he had left her to fend for herself and with her tainted reputation after _he_ had been the cause for it.

Could he really fault her for ignoring his existence, after he had ignored hers so cruelly?

He had no right to try to get back in her life; her behaviour was making it more than clear to him.

…

…

In reality, Arturia did not hate him.

She did feel betrayed because he had not done anything after coming back from the capital and finding out that she was pregnant. She knew he wasn’t ignorant or in denial about the matter – he was perfectly aware of the fact that he was responsible for that development.

But he did not come to her, to either visit or just see her.

She knew it stung. She wasn’t sure, though, if she knew the reason why he had not acknowledged what had happened. She wasn’t going to give him away, but she couldn’t say she was happy with his behaviour. It was cowardly.

To be honest with herself, especially when the slighting from the townspeople became hostile and after little Leilani was born, she wasn’t sure in what other way he should have acted.

He could not have married her; he could not have told anyone the lie that it was a legitimate child.

But, he could have visited her.

He could have tried to be part of her life when her life was shattering into pieces and going downhill like that.

But he hadn’t. And for that, she felt betrayed by him – because she had deluded herself into thinking that she meant more to him.

At the same time, with the pregnancy, the townspeople’s contempt – things _he_ was responsible for – and all the other hardships… she did not like admitting it, but she knew that they were easier to deal with whenever she thought of him. They felt less difficult thanks to the memories she had of him, as foolish as it sounded.

The thought of his words in their conversations, the expression on his face when he debated with her, the strange light that appeared in his eyes when he looked at her, the softness and yet the passion with which he used to touch her when they lay together…

As much as she believed those thoughts to be wrong, she treasured them. Those memories of him were a part of her life she liked and cared about and regarded with fondness. After all, she had otherwise only loneliness and misery while waiting for the baby to be born.

Her nights, most of all, were the hardest to deal with, since she was alone, especially after having known how dear it could be to have instead someone next to her.

The only things she had left of her time with him were the memories – and the increase in her heartbeat whenever she allowed her mind to go to them.

She didn’t hate Gilgamesh – she couldn’t. She had shared too much with him to hate him, and she knew he wasn’t entirely at fault. She didn’t regret anything of what she had shared with him.

But that didn’t mean that she would forgive him for giving up on what they had – whatever it had been.

All she wanted now was look after her daughter, and make her grow up surrounded by all her love and affection.

…

…

Arturia – and by extension, Leilani as well – weren’t exactly ostracized. At least not officially. But there were places in which their presence was obviously not welcome.

The pastor’s daughter, Madam Sakura, still gave her work, and so did others, because her skills with the needle had not reduced with the public shaming.

Arturia was a strong woman. She would not let that stain of shame stop her from continuing her life, quietly as she had always done, but with more firmness. She had also saved money, before and after Maiya’s death, and now that she had a daughter to look after, it turned out that it had been a really wise decision.

People were always surprised whenever they talked about her shame, and they hushedly speculated about it. She had always given the impression of being a very righteous person; then why had she had a child out of wedlock? How could she?

The father must have been someone extraordinary to have morally serious Mrs. Matou forget herself and have a moment of weakness that made her indulge in an indiscretion of such a kind, or so people thought.

Her strength was first seen with suspicion and with disapproval. But then, slowly, as time passed, many townspeople began to secretly admire her for it. Even though she was shamed and now an outcast, she did not wallow in misery. Her strength of character was acknowledged, at the very least.

The pastor himself discreetly let her know that her presence in Church was not welcome anymore. However, his expression was more of sympathy than of contempt when he told her that, and Arturia understood that he was saying it because the other townspeople would have considered it outrageous for an adulteress to show her face in a holy place. She decided not to resent them for that.

That development made her life become even more retired. But she did not care – she had a beautiful child to take care of.

…

…

Her daughter had green eyes, the same shade of green as her own. When she had been born, seeing her eye colour had been quite the relief.

Only one person in town had blood red eyes, and if Leilani had happened to have that as well, the identity of her father would have been obvious immediately.

Leilani’s hair was blonde, as soft as Arturia’s, even though a slightly different shade, and she loved caressing her child’s locks when lulling her to sleep.

Only a few months later did she make a startling discovery.

When she went to town for a few commissions and for the delivery of her completed sewing work to a family who had requested it, she saw Gilgamesh on the other side of the road, as he was speaking with the pastor about something.

She could only see him from behind, and the shade of blond in his hair caught her attention.

It was the exact same shade as Leilani’s. A rich, liquid gold kind of colour.

Arturia found herself incapable of swallowing, and swiftly changed directions, completing her tasks in town as quickly as possible.

She had to make sure that her daughter and Gilgamesh would never be seen close to each other; while the hair colour wasn’t too noticeable, it was impossible to miss that two blonde people close to each other were _that_ similar.

But aside from that, she decided to let things remain as they were, for it was useless to worry too much about it. Her life was already complicated as it was – she would not let unwanted thoughts about _him_ fill her days anymore.

Her days, after taking such a resolution, were fine. But her nights… she had no control over the dreams that came to her at night.

…

…

He kept tabs on her, and kept watching her from afar.

He wasn’t entirely sure about the reason for which he took so much trouble over her, but he just couldn’t keep himself away from her. At least, not entirely.

She was not aware of it, of course. But he kept himself informed about her, about what she did, about her life, even if never in a noticeable way. At public events where she was allowed to show up, he stole glances at her, making sure no one took notice of it.

He didn’t want any of those lower townspeople to know that there was – or had been – anything between him and Arturia, although he doubted any of them had such suspicions to begin with.

But it wasn’t pleasant having to hide like that only in order to know more about her, to make sure she could carry on with her life with sufficient tranquillity.

But the hiding was the minor part. What was most difficult was having to keep his distance from her.

…

…

It took that knowledge to finally realize it.

Would it have been truly that bad if it was known that _he_ was Arturia’s lover, the father of her child, the man who had made her break her supposed marriage vows?

…

…

That line of thought came up more and more insistently in his mind, but he firmly pushed it aside each and every time. It would not be of any use, to either their reputations, to reveal the truth. And nothing would change for Arturia’s situation.

Nonetheless, those thoughts made him restless, and he went out riding far more than was necessary, taking over many of Iskandar’s duties only to keep himself busy.

And every time he was out, he usually went riding close to Arturia’s house, and stared at it for prolonged periods of time.

But he did not approach it.

…

…

She could have told everyone his identity. Why had she not?

He wondered about that, yet he couldn’t find a reason for which she would keep silent.

About the baby, whom she had called Leilani, he did not know much. He had only caught glimpses of her, but in all honesty, he wasn’t entirely sure what to think about her.

What he was instead entirely sure about was that he missed Arturia.

…

…

He had had to argue with himself for months, but he could no longer deny it – he had made a grave mistake when he had not gone to visit her after hearing about her pregnancy, and he knew that it was a mistake he couldn’t erase easily.

He had not been in her life when the child was born, he could not simply waltz back in as if nothing had changed.

No matter how angry he was at witnessing the way people treated her, he could not do anything. No matter how angry he was at seeing her accept the public shaming without fighting back – since he knew she had no other choice – he could not do anything.

No matter how much he missed her, he could not do _anything._

…

…

He was angry for other reasons as well. He could not direct his anger at the townspeople, no matter how much he wished he could. They scorned and looked down on Arturia, because having a child out of wedlock was a grave offence to matrimony.

Yet he could not direct his anger at them for ostracizing Arturia, because it had been _him_ who had put her in that situation – and he had done nothing to change that.

He had done _nothing_ to help her after ruining her reputation.

…

…

Every horse ride he took, he could not help himself – he simply _had_ to go near her house. He made sure Enkidu remained nearby and did not escape his sight.

He was careful to make sure she, or anyone, did not see him, ever, even though sometimes he managed to fleetingly catch a glimpse of her through the house’s windows.

He actually treasured those brief moments.

…

…

…

It was on one of those riding excursions that he saw Arturia outside her house, over the small bridge of the river, next to the forest, sitting on a bench and with her daughter in her arms.

Curiosity got the best of him, and he dismounted from his horse, silently approaching them to understand what was going on. He made sure to remain on the forest’s side, to not be seen.

With patience and infinite care, Arturia was helping the baby stand up and instructing her softly on how to put her weight on her legs.

Gilgamesh was forced to stifle a sharp intake of air. She was teaching her child how to walk.

She was behaving like a caring mother – and he had to admit that he wasn’t truly surprised by that. No, what truly startled him was the fact that he had come across them precisely on the day in which little Leilani was learning to stand and walk.

He reflected briefly. Time had passed far more quickly than he had thought. He hadn’t even realized that it had almost been a year since the baby had been born.

For a short while, he stayed hidden, observing them; but he couldn’t stay there the whole day, and he was honestly tired of hiding. He was being cowardly, and he despised that.

Coming out of the forest after tying his horse and instructing Enkidu to remain there, he approached the two and, very formally, greeted Arturia.

Her reaction was of honest surprise and wariness. She immediately pulled her daughter, who was standing on her own, towards herself, shooting him a distrusting glance.

Only when it became obvious that he was on his own and did not intend to do anything bad to either of them did Arturia release the child, and she simply stared at him, without uttering a word. None of her obvious distrust left her eyes though.

Her daughter took a few tentative steps, slowly, and then, to both the adults’ great surprise, walked speedily and steadily in Gilgamesh’s direction.

While Arturia could only gape, he suddenly found the little girl making a straight beeline for him and ultimately clinging to his legs. He looked down at her, the baby looked up at him, and she gave him a happy smile, making him notice the dimples in her puffy pink cheeks with that gesture.

It was late afternoon, and the sun was still up. In that light, he could see the girl’s golden hair shining in the sun. Like his did.

Because they had the same shade of blonde colour – _liquid gold_.

It was only then that it actually hit him.

 _She was his daughter_.

He could not contemplate that thought for long, because the woman in front of him, the reserved Arturia he knew so well, spoke for the first time since he had come out of the woods.

With her voice so coldly controlled that it was impossible for him to understand what was going through her mind, she informed him, “This is the first time Leilani walked.”

He did not have a reply for her, and he still had the little girl clinging to his legs and happily smiling up at him.

Not used to such things but seeing her about to lose her balance, he leaned down to steady her.

He could not notice because he was looking at the child, but if he had taken a look at Arturia’s face, he would have seen her guarded façade slowly beginning to have some cracks. She managed to keep her emotions in check and appear as collected as usual, but she felt her heart bursting with emotions in her chest.

While the mother remained silent, the child didn’t. She giggled, still looking up at Gilgamesh, and Arturia couldn’t stop herself from going to her and caressing her head, pleased by her daughter’s immediate reaction of turning to look at her with an even wider smile.

The woman took a few steps back, softly encouraging Leilani to walk towards her, extending her arms and welcoming her. The small girl had a curious reaction: she looked between her and Gilgamesh, before grasping Gilgamesh’s hand while she steadied herself and started taking hesitant, uncertain steps forward.

All the while, she didn’t let go of her startled captive’s hand, dragging him with her.

As soon as she reached her, Arturia gave the child a proud smile, and Leilani let go of Gilgamesh’s hand to jump into her mother’s waiting arms.

Her small smile widening, Arturia pulled her close, embracing her tightly… but, inadvertently, by looking up in that exact moment, she met Gilgamesh’s eyes.

She wasn’t thrilled about the fact that he was looking at her when she shared a special moment with her daughter; however, what truly took her aback wasn’t her own expression, but _his_.

In all the time she had known him, she couldn’t recall a moment in which he had stared at her in such a manner. Ever.

He was looking at her with warmth – and that, was something she had already seen – but there was a hint of pride, wonder and some actual glimpses of tenderness that she couldn’t quite understand.

It also didn’t help that they hadn’t been standing so close in a long, long time. She had not forgotten how good-looking he was, but she knew that all her dreams didn’t do justice to the exact shade of blood red of his eyes as he continued to stare at her.

…

Gilgamesh had not seen her from so up close in a long time. She looked quite well, better than he had feared. Perhaps a little paler and slightly slimmer than he recalled, but he knew all too well the reasons for those changes, and he couldn’t stifle the unpleasant sensations that surged through him at the thought. She had a young daughter to look after, all on her own, and work to do in order to sustain herself, and no one to be truly friendly to her. All that obviously took its toll on her.

At the same time, by staring at her, he was… somewhat… taken aback. Until that day, until just a few moments before when he had seen the young girl looking at him, he had not considered little Leilani to be his daughter.

He still didn’t, in a way. But he couldn’t deny the fact that she was. _She was his child_.

Aside from some of his features, she had his same hair colour, and Arturia’s beautiful green eyes. She was their child, whether he liked it or not.

And he realized – he didn’t dislike it.

The thought of having a child was not unpleasant, especially since the child was _Arturia’s_ as well.

That was not a revelation he had ever imagined would come to him. And it certainly wasn’t a line of thought he wanted to indulge in when he was in Arturia and her… their… daughter’s presence.

He was about to turn around and leave abruptly, to get some order in his mind – at the same time feeling annoyed because he didn’t usually need to put any kind of order in his mind – when he suddenly heard her voice again, addressing him.

It had been so long since she had actually stared into his eyes directly and, even though her expression was guarded, it was apparent that she was speaking her words with a little difficulty when she asked him if he cared for a cup of tea.

…

Arturia had only offered because their daughter was present, but she was already regretting it. After all, all he had done in her life was getting her pregnant, nothing else–

She stopped in her thoughts. That was not true, and she knew it.

She _had_ allowed him to get close to her. He had not forced himself on her and, even though they had not been in love, there _had_ been something between them. Whatever it had been, well, it was no longer there.

But remembering what it had been, and the fact that her – _their_ – daughter had just learned to walk with both her parents present, and the unknown emotions she had felt when watching father and child together were the things that had prompted Arturia to make the invitation.

Gilgamesh remained silent for a long while. Her tone had not been very encouraging, but it had still been civil and earnest.

He had not expected that. But he had not expected a lot of things that day.

A little stiffly, he gave her a nod, and she stood up, taking her daughter with her because the excitement of having walked for the first time was wearing off; little Leilani was tired and soon started to doze off.

He went to take his horse’s reins and silently walked next to her, Enkidu hopping at his side as well.

At Arturia’s place, after she affectionately tucked her child to bed, she brewed tea for both of them.

But everything was quiet and somewhat awkward. They didn’t really have much to say to each other at this point.

Well – that wasn’t true. In fact, they would have had quite a few things to talk about, but neither was feeling inclined to do such a thing. Nor were they ready to give voice to the chaotic thoughts going through their minds.

In the end, nothing more than a few syllables were exchanged, and when he rose to leave, Arturia was both relieved and disappointed. For some reason, she had the undefinable sensation that he was feeling the same.

Next to the door, he turned towards her once again, firmly holding her gaze.

With quite a bit of difficulty he said, “I did never expect – nor mean – for things to go this way for you.”

He wanted to say more; he wanted to say that he had never wanted her to go through all that public shame. He had never wanted her to have to do such a thing alone. He had never wanted her to suffer like that.

But he couldn’t find the adequate words, and he found it ridiculous – he, who couldn’t find the words to express himself!

Her reaction was, once again, not what he expected and maybe even hoped for.

Voice icy, she coldly cut him off. “I’m afraid I have no idea what you are talking about. Good day to you, Gilgamesh.”

Her tone was final as she opened the door, and for once, he felt like it wouldn’t have been wise to challenge it, although a challenge with a mind like hers had always been something he found irresistible.

On the present occasion, however, she would clearly not humour him. And he had no intention of alienating her even more than he already had done.

But because of the irrevocability in her tone, he had to wonder if there was ever going to be another occasion to have challenging conversations with her – or conversations with her _at all_.

…

…

…

When he went out riding to run a few errands, Gilgamesh saw Arturia and her daughter in the countryside again, next to the woods. They were obviously there to have Leilani practice walking a little more.

No longer questioning his impulse, he dismounted the horse and approached them, Enkidu barking happily. Their daughter, as soon as she caught sight of him, steadily walked in his direction, reaching his legs and wrapping herself around them again, not afraid by the presence of the large dog.

The two adults did not exchange a word. Arturia was wary, surprised and maybe a little, very little, happy to see him; Gilgamesh was very much content to just be in her presence.

He had found them when it was already late in the afternoon, and it was quickly getting darker; therefore, Arturia once again offered him tea, even if still quite rigidly.

He accepted smoothly this time and then, after a short second of hesitation, he leaned down, picked up the little girl in his arms and carried her himself.

It took Arturia all her self-control not to let her extremely conflicted emotions show on her face as she froze on the spot. Seeing how he was already making his way towards her house, she forced herself to start moving again, her eyes never leaving either her daughter or Gilgamesh for a second.

She was angry; he had no right to take her daughter in his arms. She was afraid; she doubted he would ever do it intentionally, but he might still end up harming her precious child. She was suspicious; his intentions were unknown to her.

At her place, she only took the time to put the baby in her small bed, before storming back to Gilgamesh, abandoning all pretenses of civility and fully readying herself to confront him.

“Out with the truth, Gilgamesh. Do you intend to take my daughter away from me?” She took a step forward, sending him one of her fiercest glares. “Because know that _I will not let you_.”

He wasn’t truly surprised by her vehemence, but he _was_ surprised by that kind of suspicion on her part. Quickly thinking, he realized that his gesture of picking up Leilani must have felt weird not only for him, and therefore her reaction was understandable.

He couldn’t help raising an eyebrow though. “No, of course not. I would never do such a thing, Arturia.”

Her expression did not soften, and she continued to eye him suspiciously. “Let me be clear here, Gilgamesh. You know that you are her father; but that doesn’t give you any right over her.”

She sighed, trying to put a halt to what she was saying, but it was useless. Now that she had started talking, it was as if she couldn’t stop the flood of words. Her bright green eyes determinedly stared into his blood red ones.

“Since I’m apparently on an honesty crusade, then fine, I might as well admit it. I do not resent you anymore for not coming here once you heard I was pregnant. But,” and her voice became sharper than a razor, “the fact that I don’t hold a grudge doesn’t mean that things are forgotten. I can’t have any trust for you.”

She took another step forward, eyes still on his, getting closer to him than they had been in a very long while. “I want you away from my life – and from Leilani’s life as well.”

All he did was narrow his eyes at her before inquiring, “It certainly looks like you hate me most ardently.”

She took a deep breath. Losing her temper would not help her convey her intentions clearly, and this wasn’t a conversation she wanted to have ever again.

“I am not angry because of the public shame that has befallen me.”

She could see, by the way his eyebrows shifted a little, that her words were confusing him. She cursed herself for knowing him so well to notice such a thing, and hurried to continue, no matter how mortifying it was to admit such things to him. But if not to him, she owed it to herself.

“I love my daughter. And I… treasure the time I spent with you, before Leilani’s unexpected but not unwelcome arrival. However, those are memories that belong to the past. I have no room in my life for a man like you… a man who backed away and whom I can’t trust anymore.”

It seemed as if he meant to say something, but she did not let him. She had to finish first.

“I don’t distrust you just because you didn’t show up again after finding out about the pregnancy. I distrust you also because you are now trying to sneak your way back into my life – after the worst part of the ordeal is over, you are trying to get back into my good graces. But you can’t.”

They were already very close, but he took a step forward as well, his eyes starting to burn with implacable emotions. They were almost nose to nose.

“That is not my intention.” His voice was firm and decisive and, for once, didn’t hold traces of his derisive or slightly mocking tone.

Suddenly, he became a bit gentler in his firm tone. “Don’t take me for a fool, Arturia. Even if you state the opposite, I can see that you have been quite deeply affected by everything that has happened.” A brief pause, before he continued with the same kind of tone, so unlike his usual self. “I am not trying to take advantage of you, and I would never try to take our daughter away from–”

Arturia interrupted him, her form shaking with barely repressed fury. “You have no right to call her _our_ daughter!”

She was quickly beginning to lose both her cool and her composure. She was no longer talking – she was yelling. “I don’t believe you, Gilgamesh! If all you wanted from me was my body, I’m not giving it to you – not anymore!” She would have shocked herself with those words if she had registered them properly. “We’re done here. Leave my house this instant!”

Although he was dismayed and even hurt by her words, he refused to show it. And there was no chance he was going to leave in the middle of their argument.

“I won’t leave, Arturia – not until we finish our conversation!” And before she could start yelling again, he continued, “The reason I’m here is that I intend to change things for the better, and… make up for my mistakes.”

The silence that followed was filled with so much skepticism that Gilgamesh had to suppress a sigh. He closed his eyes for a second, before allowing a little space to be between them – he didn’t want them to be at each other’s throat.

He slowly exhaled. “Even though it comes with several months of delay, I do apologize for not proving trustworthiness to you, Arturia.”

Hearing Gilgamesh more or less say that he was sorry was too much of a shock for Arturia to keep concentrated on her yelling.

He took full advantage of it and went on. “I enjoyed your company, Arturia, _always_. And that is not something that has changed.”

He went closer to her, but decided he couldn’t risk touching her cheek as he wished to. “When I found out you were pregnant, there was very little I thought I could do. We could not get married – even if my profession wasn’t an obstacle, you’re technically still married to your blanc-husband. However,” and he struggled with his words, “I will admit that I was a fool and a coward. Among other things, I did not understand how much you had to sacrifice, how much you were going through until I saw it with my own eyes.” His expression hardened. “This is going to change now.”

She stared at him, for several minutes, in complete silence. Then she raised an eyebrow. “These are merely words, Gilgamesh.”

He felt a sudden wave of annoyance. It had cost him a lot to admit the things he had just told her, and if she knew him just a little, she had to be aware of that.

It took him however only a few moments to understand. As much as it could be irritating for him, Arturia wasn’t entirely wrong in being wary of him.

She had finally some stability with her daughter; she could not risk jeopardizing that because of him.

It wasn’t pleasant to think about the fact that she didn’t trust him, but it was very much like her to behave in such a way – and if Arturia hadn’t been true to herself, then she wouldn’t have been the woman he was so fascinated with.

He took a deep breath and then a step back. He wouldn’t regain her trust in a matter of minutes or days, he knew that.

He wanted to make a few things clear, though. And he had to try to put all his cards on the table.

“Arturia, I don’t want you to live your solitary life anymore. You don’t deserve it – you are not at fault. Come away with me. Leave this place with me and ou– your daughter.”

That was what he actually wanted, and what he knew he should have realized he wanted the moment he had found out about her pregnancy.

He wanted her, more than he could express, and as more than just a fleeting interest.

He wanted her forever.

And the only way to have forever was to leave that place with her. With her – and with their daughter.

He had given it some thought. Why not go to Europe, he had wondered. His family had emigrated from there four decades before, and he owned an estate. It was likely to be old and in need of renovations, yes, but Arturia was going to like it in the Old Continent. They would have enough money, and they would have a place for themselves without prejudices.

They would have their lives together.

Gilgamesh wanted that.

But he understood that she would not accept – she had clearly told him she didn’t trust him. He had to regain her trust first.

Her answer told him as much.

“I know you have duties here, Gilgamesh. I know you can’t leave like this. This sounds more like a plan to trick me rather than a true desire of yours.”

Suddenly, to his mild surprise, she broke into a short, bitter laugh.

Arturia hated the part of herself that wished to believe him. A part of her wished him to be sincere, a part of her _truly_ wanted to believe him.

But she had to stop deluding herself.

With a motion of her hand, she indicated the door, making it clear to him that she expected him to leave.

Instead, he came closer to her and managed to grab her hand – the one that was showing him out.

Both of them felt a jolt run through them.

There was something achingly familiar in that gesture, even though it had been a very long time since there had been any physical contact between them. And the very last time he had taken her hand in his, they hadn’t been wearing any clothes…

From the flash that went through his eyes, Arturia knew that he was remembering that time, too, and she was certain that he knew that she was thinking about the same.

Without letting go of her hand, his voice sounded a little deeper when he spoke… and more persuasive than she expected.

“I will never force you. But I mean what I said. Give it some thought, Arturia.”

Then he turned around to leave, his fingertips lingering on hers before slowly and reluctantly letting go of her hand.

…

…

For the second time in her life, Arturia watched him leave while feeling an extremely strange sensation in her chest.

The previous time it had been right before he was to go to the capital; this time, it was something different. This time, she was certain she was going to see more of him, but especially a different _side_ of him.

She shook herself from those daydreams. Now that she thought about it, she and Gilgamesh had been arguing in quite a loud manner. It was very likely that they had woken up Leilani, even if she hoped it wasn’t the case.

But, as she found out, her daughter had indeed been woken up by the noise, and she was staring at her sleepily, rubbing her eyes. With a yawn, she murmured something, and when she got closer, Arturia managed to make out her words. She was asking her where the ‘glowing man’ was.

The woman didn’t reply, choosing to pick her child up in her arms and rock her silently until she fell asleep again.

As she was thus occupied, observing Leilani’s eyelids slowly flutter close, she couldn’t prevent herself from – once again – pondering over the day’s events.

She had finally some stability with her daughter. She had some peace of mind, something she had not had in a very long while.

And right when things were going well, _he_ had to come back into her life.

She kept thinking about what he had said to her, and she kept wondering about his truthfulness.

A part of her wanted to believe him. But she was fully aware of the fact that, if she believed him and he turned out to be insincere, she would not be able to recover so easily from that kind of betrayal.

Maybe, if it had been just her, she would have taken the risk, and dealt with the consequences, as she had always done in the past – because she had been alone in the world, after all.

But she had a daughter now. She refused to put her precious child’s life in hazard because of something she merely _wished_ to be true. She wouldn’t allow such a thing to happen.

She couldn’t stop thinking about it, though, no matter how hard she tried not to.

In the end, she forced herself to consider the facts: even if he _had_ been sincere, it was very likely that he would forget everything about it the following day. It was useless to even waste time considering it more than that.

That thought made her features harden as she went to sew next to the fire.

Even as her chest constricted uncomfortably, she stubbornly pushed the needle through the fabric and made her decision. Gilgamesh wasn’t worth her time.

…

…

But he showed up again after that day, quite often.

Even though she never went beyond passable civility, he kept coming to visit during the following weeks. He visited her, but also her – their – daughter.

It was apparent that he had understood that she had accepted her situation with her child, and she did not appreciate any change he could bring to the peace of mind she had found with time and effort.

She was still – obviously – very suspicious of him. However, even though he never failed to remind her of what he had suggested for their future, he didn’t come there to discuss just that with her. Knowing perfectly what were the things that interested her, he engaged her in long conversations that sometimes lasted even hours.

Arturia had not expected him to remember and know so much about her and, while it was sometimes frightening to realize _how_ _much_ they had actually shared, it was also a somewhat calming feeling.

She could not understand why the thought of him gave her both a sense of safety and wariness at the same time.

She tried to keep herself as detached as possible from him. She had a life with her daughter, albeit a scarred one, but at least she had some security. What kind of life could she expect with… with Gilgamesh?

The thought made her pause. She felt something tug in her chest and, to her great dismay, found herself forced to hold back the sudden urge to shed a few tears. But she could no longer deny that she was lying to herself about some of the things regarding Gilgamesh.

She couldn't trust him, that was true; but other things about him…

If she hadn’t had a child, she would have left with him – after he apologized for what he did, and he had indeed apologized. And if he turned out to be a deceiver, she would have managed to make him pay and go on with her life.

But she had no intention of putting her daughter in the presence of a father who couldn’t be trusted. Leilani was already an outcast in the eyes of society; just because of the circumstances of her birth, people already shunned her. She couldn’t add more burdens to her daughter’s life.

If Arturia could do something to make life for her securer, she would do it. And trusting Gilgamesh was not among the things that would make life for her daughter better.

Or was it?

…

…

He seemed to know about her inner struggles, and a few months later, during one of the frequent times he showed up, he decided to address them.

He straightforwardly asked her, “Why do you think I visit you so often?”

At her distrustful silence, he didn’t sigh, as she almost expected.

Instead, he bluntly told her, “I come to see you and our daughter. To spend time with you both.”

Perhaps it was the fact that he said it so directly that made Arturia stare at him and mull over his words carefully.

His eyes didn’t leave hers, and she finally realized it with complete certainty – he _was_ being true. He truly cared about her and about their child.

She cut his visit short that day. However, it wasn’t because she was angry at him, but because of how confused and conflicted she had suddenly felt at that revelation.

…

…

Gilgamesh knew he had to be patient if he wanted to regain Arturia’s trust. He also knew he wasn’t a patient person.

And he knew that those two things were at conflict with each other.

But aside from that, no matter how much he enjoyed the days he could spend in Arturia’s – and Leilani’s – presence, he was beginning to feel a little irritated by the fact that they lived so far from him. He wanted them to live near him. _With_ him.

He was also beginning to feel irritated by the fact that he had to ride through the countryside to visit them, to avoid being seen by the townspeople.

He didn’t want to have to hide when he went to Arturia, when he went to Arturia and Leilani – when he went to his _family_.

Not anymore.

…

…

After what he had told her about his reasons for continuing to come visit, she made an effort to be more polite to him.

And she soon realized that it was actually no effort at all.

As the months went by, she continued to work hard with sewing and embroidery. Arturia was a tenacious woman, and she would not stop putting her every effort in taking care of her little child.

To be fair, while she had basically allowed Gilgamesh to be very much present in her life, that didn’t mean that she was close to him. She could not help suspecting, sometimes, that the real reason he had made her that proposal was not because he cared, but because he wanted to ease his self-guilt for getting her pregnant and for forcing her life to change so drastically.

But then she had to reconsider that. She had come to know him, at least a little, and she knew he was not the type to have self-guilt, by any means.

Even if that hadn’t been the case, it did not mean that he had been honest with his intentions when he had approached her. Maybe all he wanted was to show her that he could be of ‘help’ to her. Maybe he didn’t _truly_ care.

She brought it up, several weeks after they had fallen into the awkward routine of him visiting her whenever he had the time – which was basically every day.

But when she did accuse him in such a way, he snapped in a very blunt manner.

“Arturia, I will not deny that I _do_ feel guilt for leaving you alone through all the hardships that being an adulteress single mother entail, but that is not the reason I want you to come with me.”

She wasn’t very happy with that answer, and pushed him, “What do you truly want then? Why do you keep being around me and Leilani like this?” He had said he wanted to see them as often as possible, but she found it hard to fully believe that.

It was then that it happened – Gilgamesh found himself unable to bring forth the words he wanted to say. He wasn’t able to say them, and only stared at her, mutely.

Her anger surging once again, Arturia glared at him and turned around, away from him.

She probably shouldn’t have done that. He had already snapped earlier, she shouldn’t have tested his limits again.

He took a step forward, grabbed her arm, pulled her to him while moving his own arms to embrace her, and pressed his lips to hers in a kiss.

Gilgamesh knew he wouldn’t have been able to convey the truth with words, because she wouldn’t have listened, or she would have decided not to trust him because of cautiousness. He couldn’t take that from her anymore, but at the same time, the last thing he wanted was to drive her away.

She was completely astonished, and didn’t react at his actions at first. Firmly but gently held in his grasp, she was too taken aback to oppose him as his mouth claimed hers after over two and a half years apart.

But then… she couldn’t explain what happened or why… she was slowly beginning to kiss him back, her mouth moving against his in a way neither had forgotten, even though it had been so long…

Gilgamesh wouldn’t have been able to express how much that was to his liking, not even if he was asked to – but he didn’t have the time for another thought before she pushed him away.

Lips slightly swollen, she addressed him with glaring eyes and salacious tongue, letting him know clearly what was on her mind.

“Only because I have feelings for you, it doesn’t mean that I will leave with you. I still don’t believe you to be sincere.”

To say that Gilgamesh was frustrated at this turn of events would have been an understatement.

But, in spite of that, he understood why Arturia was choosing that course of action.

Once again, he could not forget the situation she was in. She had only her daughter. No one else. She could not entrust her own safety and her daughter’s to someone she _didn’t_ trust.

Therefore, he didn’t pronounce another word before taking his leave. He was supposed to go around town with the mayor the following morning, and would be done only in the afternoon, and that meant he probably wouldn’t be able to pay her a visit.

He could bear the weight of being separated from his beloved Arturia and their daughter for an entire day not only because of the strong memory of the kiss they had just shared, but also because she had admitted to caring about him–

No, she had admitted to more than that.

She had admitted to having actual feelings for him.   

He was looking forward to the right moment to let her know that he had feelings for her as well.

…

…

That same night, Arturia was suddenly woken up by the sound of someone loudly knocking on the door.

Knowing better than to open, she quietly checked around to make sure all the windows were properly closed and the heavy door was carefully locked. She was usually very thorough in ensuring the house was properly sealed in the evenings, and she was glad to see that she hadn’t been forgetful.

Whoever it was, she wasn’t too concerned. The house was a solid building, and in any case, there were still only a few hours before dawn.

She had, unfortunately, a very vague suspicion about whom it could be – and she knew that it certainly wasn’t Gilgamesh.

Luckily, Leilani had not been woken up by the noise, and Arturia did not intend to disturb her, knowing that no one would be able to enter the house. But, just to be more at ease, she brought her almost two-year-old daughter to her own bed, keeping her close for the rest of the night.

…

…

The first thing Arturia did in the morning was cautiously peek from the one of the upper windows.

She saw the person she had suspected to have arrived to be still there on the porch, asleep.

It was Shinji Matou, the man she was technically married to.

The two of them had been betrothed in their early youth because of Uther Pendragon’s insistence on his deathbed, and their marriage had never been consummated, remaining a 'blanc' one.

Not that Arturia had ever wished for the opposite. She had never had any kind of relationship with the man, and she surely did not intend to have one _now_.

Before leaving, a few years before, Shinji had told her he had his eyes set on another woman, and Arturia knew that he had gotten married to her in a different town.

That was something that made him a bigamous person, but she didn’t really care about it. Shinji Matou was a scumbag, and both she and her father had agreed upon the fact that a marriage to him was simply a good way of keeping her safe by giving her the status of a married woman. The fact that he was relatively unknown in town and was going to leave it soon was for the best, too – her reputation wouldn’t suffer because of his manners… or lack thereof.

But the fact that he was at her doorstep meant that he wanted something from her, probably money. It was very unlikely for him to know anything about what had happened in the past years, at least if Arturia relied on the little she knew about him. He certainly didn’t know that Maiya had died, and he probably didn’t know about Leilani, either.

She was going to have to speak with him, but she did not intend to put her daughter in danger because of him.

After having her breakfast and being helped in getting dressed, the little girl found her mother being very serious when speaking to her. Arturia knew her child was clever and grasped things quickly, therefore she explained to her that a suspicious man was about to enter the house, and that meant that she would have to remain hidden.

The blonde woman put some of the little toys – toys she had made herself – on her bed together with Leilani, and explained that she would have to stay there and remain as quiet as possible as she spoke with the man. It was imperative, Arturia insisted and impressed upon her, that she did not make any noise.

Leilani could see that her mother was serious – well, at least, quite more serious than usual. She had been allowed to peek from the window, too, and she did not like the man outside. She did not know why her mommy was suspicious of him, but she knew it had to be for a good reason, and his appearance was not to her liking anyway. Therefore, she solemnly promised to not leave the bedroom and keep as quiet as possible.

As soon as her daughter was safely hidden, Arturia went to finally open the door. The noise woke Shinji up – he had slept on the doorstep – and she greeted him coldly before letting him inside.

Looking very offended, he immediately questioned her on the reason she hadn’t let him in, lamenting that he had had to endure a cold and uncomfortable night outside.

Arturia didn’t even bother trying to make him understand that no person in their right mind would open the door to a stranger in the middle of the night, and unflinchingly asked him what on earth he was doing there and what he wanted from her.

Shinji tried his best to assume a hurt expression, which was ridiculous to say the least, and started to bawl. He also took out a picture with a name written underneath it. Throughout his rather distasteful and quite annoying display, Arturia managed to understand that his wife – the woman in the picture – had left him for another man, running away with this person who had more money and whom she apparently liked better.

It came to no surprise to her when he asked her for money, but she was disgusted nonetheless.

Deadpan, she questioned him into giving her one single good reason for which he would think she’d have any money, and a reason for which she should give any to him in the first place.

It gave her a small amount of satisfaction to see that he didn’t really have a reply aside from his stubborn and arrogant statement that he was ‘still her husband’.

She unemotionally repeated her question, reminding him of the nature of their marriage, and he only spluttered.

Very much irritated by this point, she finally lost her cool, and decided to make things clear. She came very close to threatening, reminding him that she could expose him as bigamous now that he was there, and also because he had just told her his other wife’s name.

She didn’t add that she knew how to denounce him through Gilgamesh.

To that threat, however, Shinji only huffed. He arrogantly stated that it was impossible that a woman would ever be capable of such a thing, and was about to demand money from her again, when Arturia stood up.

Without offering him tea – which was the most basic courtesy she always tried to observe – and without another word, she showed him the door.

Of course, he refused to leave, insisting that she give him money.

Coldly, she replied to him that perhaps it was best to ask his other wife for money, since after all, it appeared she was better off at the moment.

That made Shinji angry, and he began with his threats as well. He warned her, his voice raising in anger, that he could have their marriage nullified because it had never been consummated, and appeared very smug as he declared it.

Arturia knew he was being his usual impulsive and thoughtless self, but as a person, he was reckless enough to go through with it. She still needed to keep her married status to avoid her scandal to grow out of proportion in the eyes of society; also, the claim of non-consummation could not be verified medically because she had given birth, even though that was something Shinji was thankfully unaware of.

And she would do everything in her power to keep things that way.

She was done with her husband’s idiocy, however, so she decided it was truly time for him to leave. While Shinji was used to being an intimidator, he was nothing more than a coward when it came down to it.

She gave him a glare that had him immediately cower in fear, and then indicated the door. He was out within seconds.

Arturia slammed the door shut behind him and made her way upstairs. She went to her bedroom, beckoning little Leilani closer with a movement of her hand, while the other was pressed to her own lips to indicate to her to keep silent.

From the window, they could made sure that Shinji Matou was indeed leaving. He lingered around for a while, and by the time he left, it was already afternoon. As soon as he was gone, the blonde woman took her coat.

She and her daughter went often outside, but not so often to town. Arturia had a precise destination in mind, and she did not intend to leave her precious daughter alone at home, with the risk of her husband coming back. Shinji had no right over Leilani, but he was a cowardly scumbag, therefore she had to be careful. There was no telling what he could do in order to get money.

They had to reach the curator’s place, but they had to make sure they weren’t seen; therefore, that meant that they had to walk through the countryside.

Leilani wanted to prove she was strong, and insisted on walking on her own for most of the journey. Arturia let her, knowing that the exercise was going to later make her tired enough to fall asleep. Besides, it was never too early for her stubborn daughter to start to find out her limits.

They arrived at the place – where Gilgamesh lived – faster than Arturia had expected. She knew that he was going to be finished with his errands by afternoon, and she managed to sneak inside the house without the servants seeing her.

He had once told her about the house he lived in, and his only real ‘guard’ was his dog Enkidu, who knew her and licked her hand before letting her through. She petted him between his ears briefly before letting him guide her to where his owner was.

She was quite certain that mayor Iskandar wasn’t there with Gilgamesh, but she was still filled with trepidation when she knocked on his studio’s door, her sleeping child held against her chest.

He was very pleasantly surprised by her appearance, but his pleased expression quickly left to make room for a slight furrow of his brow. He couldn’t find a logical explanation for her presence there, and he didn’t like not knowing things.

When he stood up from the desk he was sitting at, she went closer to him without hesitation.

She did not stop his hand when he brought it up to briefly caress her cheek and then, speaking in a low voice so to not wake up her daughter, Arturia began to tell him what had happened that morning with her husband.

At the mentioning of him, Gilgamesh’s expression froze. She didn’t give him the time to do or say anything; she simply asked for his intervention in dealing with the matter. But before he could come up with any offer, she explained for what exactly she needed his help.

She knew he was influential and, thanks to his position, had access to documents all across the country. What she needed him to do, since he had the means for it, was to track down her husband’s second marriage certificate.

She possessed her own marriage certificate, and she knew Shinji’s other wife’s name; if she managed to have both marriage certificates, then her husband would be proven bigamous. Being bigamous would mean having both marriages nullified, and a sentence to prison for Shinji Matou, making sure she was free of him forever.

She wouldn’t have wanted to nullify a marriage, since the status of being married was important, but Shinji was now a threat in her life – and he had to go. While Arturia would have preferred to keep her married status, having that scumbag of a husband around could potentially put both herself and her daughter in danger, and she would never tolerate that. Shinji had to remain unaware of the girl’s existence.

Gilgamesh, to her slight surprise, listened to her without saying a word. When she was finished, he curtly told her it wouldn’t be a problem on his part, and having both marriage certificates would suffice.

However, when he stood up and took his coat, Arturia stared at him in confusion. He raised an eyebrow at her as he accompanied her out of the room and towards the door, skilfully avoiding the servants, and flatly informed her that he would not let her go back alone.

Right when she was beginning to try to protest, little Leilani woke up, and was very happy to see Gilgamesh. She pleaded so sweetly with her mother that Arturia ended up giving in, and climbed with her on the horse with him.

She was still worried: three people on a horse would catch attention, and her child was probably a bit too young for riding like that, but most of her concerns were brushed away when she found herself close to Gilgamesh.

She had no choice but to pull him close to her to remain firm in her seat, and she was certain that it was something he had wanted, and probably a reason for which he had decided that riding was a good idea.

But even if he had planned for it, she was relieved that she was going to be home sooner than expected, without having to worry about her husband showing up while she was outside alone with her daughter.

As soon as they reached her house, he let them dismount and held her hand for a moment longer than necessary, before taking his leave.

…

…

Gilgamesh had not lied when he had said that things were going to be settled quickly.

Within days, mayor Iskandar came to visit Arturia, a very serious expression on his face, asking her for her marriage certificate.

Everything that happened afterwards was as expected. Shinji Matou was sentenced to prison in his hometown, which was in the West, and both his marriages were invalidated.

It didn’t take long for Arturia to find out that people were suddenly treating her differently, after those events became of public knowledge. She found herself the object of more sympathetic glances rather than scornful ones, and generally felt a change of the behaviour towards her – and towards her child as well.

By listening to whispers and paying attention, she soon discovered that the townspeople had reached the conclusion that her daughter was actually legitimate. They had also concluded that she, Arturia, had not been able to say anything about the truth because her husband had mistreated her, forced himself on her and intimidated her into silence.

While she could only raise an eyebrow at people’s imagination for coming up with that explanation, she decided there was no point in trying to correct their misconceptions.

However, she was no fool. Only because people had started to be kinder and politer towards her, it didn’t mean she would forget the way they had behaved towards her in the past, when she had been branded as an adulteress.

She remembered who had been nice to her even during times of shame and misfortune, and she was glad to find out that those people’s behaviour hadn’t changed. Irisviel the baker, Diarmuid the shoemaker, and Madam Sakura especially treated her always the same way, and for that, Arturia was grateful.

…

…

Her life in town underwent some changes as a few months passed. She certainly had more work, and could converse with more people as she met them in the streets, but the biggest change was another.

Since she wasn’t married anymore, she was officially ‘Miss Pendragon’ again; and since her daughter was thought to be legitimate, and she was still young and a so-called ‘timeless beauty’, many people belonging to the male population had started to show an interest in her.

Even though she didn’t bother correcting anyone about her child’s parentage and never went beyond civility in all her talks with her now potential suitors, she knew that Gilgamesh wasn’t pleased at all with how things had turned out.

He still visited her, as often as possible. He talked with her, very much amused by the way they always managed to bicker and have discussions over the most mundane of things – especially now that she wasn’t so guarded around him anymore.

And he played with Leilani, who quickly – maybe too quickly – came to adore him.

What Gilgamesh was clearly unhappy about – and yet it took Arturia a while to realize – was the fact that Leilani was considered by the townspeople to be Shinji’s child.

It wasn’t obvious at first glance, but it was obvious when a person got to know Gilgamesh a little… and Arturia _did_ know him, more than she probably cared to admit.

He was Leilani’s father; he accepted the fact and wanted everyone else to accept it, too. Not because he felt guilt for his ‘sin’ with her and wanted to atone, but because he wanted things to be clear and open. He wanted to be recognized as her father.

It took even more time for her to realize it, but another thing he deeply disliked was the fact that she had suitors. So. Many. Suitors.

Arturia had not expected him to be _jealous_.

…

…

She couldn’t help noticing a few other things.

Gilgamesh had not demanded anything from her. All he had truly asked of her was to come with him. To _be_ with him.

He had not forced himself on her. He had not manipulated her into accepting him, even though she had seen how he worked and knew that he might have managed to do such a thing, had he decided in that sense. He had never asked money of her, contrary to her former husband. And he had never tried to take her daughter from her, even though it was well within his power to do so.

She needed to reconsider him.

Arturia had had quite some time to figure herself out – not that she had actually needed to do that. She knew very well that she had been with him, going as far as accepting him in her bed, only because she truly felt for him; and after he had slowly proven, also in his behaviour with little Leilani, that he was serious when he said he wanted her to leave with him, well, her affection had not disappeared.

Her heart was still set on him, and in many ways, it was right. She knew now that he had been true to her and in what he had stated about his intentions.

All she needed was to have the certainty to be able to trust him. Not just for herself and her own future, but also for _their_ daughter’s.

It would have been the right time as well. She was free from her loveless marriage and her former husband would not bother her anymore.

She could start to build her life again – with Gilgamesh as true part of it.

Especially since she also had no interest in any of those suitors from town.

He had not changed his mind about wanting to leave with her and their child. She knew, because he kept reminding her.

And he kissed her more often. Stolen kisses, most people would have called them, but they were never unwelcome, and she responded to each of them.

But she never initiated them. At least not yet. She needed to know she could have complete trust in him before truly lowering her guard.

…

…

Months after her marriage had been annulled, Gilgamesh came to visit, as he now regularly did.

She had no work to do on that day, and therefore played a little with her daughter, while he watched them.

Leilani was nearly three years old, and she was a very happy child. Seeing mother and daughter so sweetly engaged, it didn’t take long for the father to join the two of them as they played. He was slightly stiff at first, but the little girl had a way of creeping into his heart that only Arturia could rival.

That brief time of all three of them together, doing something as simple as playing with small toys, felt strange to the blonde woman.

It was as if… as if they were a _family_.

…

…

The same evening, after putting an overly-excited child to bed, Arturia sat down in front of Gilgamesh and steeled herself for a long and serious talk. She couldn’t postpone it any longer.

Going straight to the point, she told him, “If I consider all possibilities, I don’t think I would mind remaining in this town for the rest of my life, as long as my daughter is safe and happy.” She paused for a second. “But, if I stay, any semblance of tie between myself and you has to be cut off. We cannot risk any other indiscretions, and to make sure everything is more secure, you would have to promise to stay away – both from me and our child.”

Gilgamesh was neither pleased nor happy with her reasoning, and calmly but inflexibly voiced his disagreement.

“This is not right, Arturia. This is an everything or nothing kind of deal for me, but I am already too deep in love with you to accept ‘nothing’ – especially since you have admitted yourself that you have true feelings for me as well.” His blood red eyes were firmly glued to hers. “Our futures include our daughter, but only when together with both of us.”

Even though his words took her aback, Arturia’s hesitations didn’t leave her.

It was no longer about his seriousness; she had seen it, throughout those months and that same afternoon, in the way he looked at her and their child. He was serious, and he wouldn’t change his mind.

No, what was something she considered a danger was the fact that, once they left the place, he would feel like he had fulfilled his obligation – and seek something else as soon as he got bored with them.

As far as it went, he was the girl’s father… but he had no other ties to them.

By her cautiousness in uttering her words as she tried to explain this, it didn’t take long for Gilgamesh to guess her thoughts and understand what she feared.

He also knew, however, that those worries weren’t a problem, because he had the solution – and he was mildly irritated about the fact that she hadn’t deduced his intentions from the beginning.

He took her hands in his, bringing them to his lips. With a strange expression, which wasn’t a smirk, not a grin but not even a smile, he stared into her eyes once again.

“Marry me, Arturia.”

It had always been his intention, from even before her previous marriage had been nullified. He wanted Arturia to be his wife, and together with their daughter they would leave for Europe.

If she accepted, of course.

Arturia hadn’t realized how much she needed to hear that kind of request to know that he was truly and utterly serious. She had needed to know that he wanted them to be together for real – to be together with Leilani as a family not only in feeling, but in name as well.

However, that realization was a little too much for her to handle in a mere few hours, and she was most certainly not going to accept a marriage proposal without thinking about it first.

She did not give him an answer that evening.

…

…

When Gilgamesh came again the following day, Arturia brought Leilani to sit on the sofa between them.

To the puzzlement of both, she asked her, “Leilani, do you know who this man is?”

Her daughter smiled happily. “Of course! He is daddy!”

Expression serious, Arturia asked, “Why would you think so?”

Leilani’s smile widened, showing her small teeth shining like pearls, and cheerfully said, “He is the only person around you mommy, he’s always really nice to you and to me, and he always, _always_ looks at you mommy.” She clapped her hands. “And he always makes mommy smile!”

Carefully making sure not to look in Gilgamesh’s direction, Arturia finally decided to gently ask the most important question.

“Would you be happy, if mommy and daddy got married?”

The little girl tilted her head to the side, for once looking confused. Her words were candidly innocent.

“You aren’t married? But married is needed for babies to be born!”

Her expression was adorable when asking that, and Arturia had to concentrate all her efforts not to blush, while Gilgamesh smirked, enjoying the conversation and the different ways the eyes of the two girls sparkled – identical, and yet different, as mother and daughter.

And he felt his heart swell at the implications of the questions Arturia was asking.

The blonde woman explained, with sufficient composure, “We aren’t officially married yet, Leilani.”

The clever little devil of a child asked then, very innocently, “How are children come to be born then?”

Gilgamesh’s smirk disappeared at that.

Arturia elegantly managed to avoid the subject of baby-making, before telling her daughter – and telling Gilgamesh at the same time as well –, “Mommy and daddy are going to get married very soon, Leilani. And afterwards, we are going to move to a different place.”

Her daughter’s eyes were a bit watery. “A place where people no longer stare evil?”

Feeling her constricted heart ease a bit, the woman nodded, warmth in her voice. “A new place to live, where people don’t ‘stare evil’.”

She didn’t know how it happened – she just knew that she suddenly found herself in Gilgamesh’s arms after that, while Leilani squealed happily and clapped her hands again.

Arturia did not bother trying to figure out how exactly it had happened.

She was fully concentrated on kissing the man she loved as if her life truly depended on it.

…

…

It was quite entertaining to witness Iskandar’s mouth hanging open in dumbfounded shock as he learned the truth of Leilani’s parentage from the father himself.

But, unknown to the blond man, the mayor was trying to curse himself for having been so blind.

How could he have not seen… the way Gilgamesh’s eyes always softened, even if just minimally, whenever they landed on her… or just every time when he _talked_ about her, and probably when he thought about her, too…

Ah, it would not do for him to be all romantic about those two, but Iskandar couldn’t say he wasn’t happy for them.

While he did not really care much about Arturia Pendragon, formerly Matou, Gilgamesh was his friend and the mayor was certain that his feelings for the woman were stronger than anything else – since they were going to make him leave his position and sail to another continent with her.

He had no doubt that those two were going to find happiness – their own way, of course.

However, the fact that he understood didn’t mean he wouldn’t tease his friend one last time before giving him his blessing as he left. It was unlikely they would ever see each other again, after all.

He looked up from his desk and stared at Gilgamesh intently, and then gave a grin, a little different from his usual ones.

“Back then, at the physicist’s… You didn’t care one bit about the pastor’s daughter’s wedding, did you? You said that thing about the finery and the embroidery for _her_ benefit, didn’t you?”

It took Gilgamesh a few moments to recall, but then he smirked a little, a strange light appearing in his eyes.

“I probably didn’t know it like I know it now, but yes… it was for her.”

…

…

Gilgamesh and Arturia got married quietly on the coast a mere few days later, before taking a ship together with Leilani that would sail for Europe.

He told his brand-new wife that Iskandar had accepted his resignation and was going to take care of spreading the voice of what had transpired, because he had informed the red-bearded man of everything.

Arturia wondered how the townspeople were going to react at finally finding out the whole truth about her daughter’s parentage, but she decided that it was not important enough to worry about. She would probably miss the people who had been kind to her, but she knew that they had their lives there and were going to lead them without any major problems.

She would take the memory of them with her, but she was going to lead her own life as well, in another continent, with her child and with her husband – and this time, a husband she loved with all her heart.

…

…

...

_Four months later_

...

…

…

In a land in Europe, a little girl with beautiful blonde hair and expressive green eyes happily played in the yard of a small cottage, under the watchful gaze of her father.

Her mother joined him, and silently remained at his side, observing the girl as well.

Gilgamesh suddenly spoke up. “You know, Arturia… you actually never answered Leilani’s question about where babies come from.”

She huffed at him. “You are very welcome to answer in my place, if you’re so adamant about her knowing the answer to that.”

He just grinned and leaned closer to her, his lips and teeth lightly grazing her ear, and his hot breath making her shiver.

“Well, since she will soon have a sibling, I expect we will have to explain _everything_ to her, won’t we?”

Arturia could only blush as his arms encircled her waist and possessively pulled her to him.

As she leaned into his embrace, she knew – all of them had finally found their happiness.

…

…

…

THE END.

**Author's Note:**

> KMKH (now MidoriKurenaiYume): The ages of the characters might be a little confusing, since several years passed in the story. To make it easier: Arturia was married off for the first time when she was 16, she had her child at 23, had her first marriage annulled at 25 and got married a second time at 26. Gilgamesh is four-five years older than her.  
> Much love to Asterne_In_a_Sky for being so creative and for starting GilArt ideas from when we talked about The Scarlet Letter, as we both know the book :D I hope you enjoyed reading this piece ;)
> 
> Asterne_In_a_Sky: Kudos for the lovely writing done by KMKH, while I planted the seeds in her head. :) The only question I have is really Gilgamesh celibate at the beginning of the story, one we will never know. :P He shows cowardly behavior, but has the strength to eventually take responsibility and choose what he wants instead of running away. Something I wished Arthur could have done in the book, but sadly he paid in his own way. Again, we hope at least this gave you some peace.


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